BrainOut!
The mumblings of a Christian autistic husband, dad, IT guy and amateur radio operator - Will Brokenbourgh / AF7EC
Another Opportunity to Survive
Death is a part of life - something we all will have to deal with. For some it comes far too soon, others experience it after a hundred-plus years, but we all must go through it. Unfortunately I'm going through something right now that could easily take my life, but it's my hope it will instead be yet another opportunity to praise Mighty God for saving my life.
Last month I was told that I have a life-threatening illness. I won't go into details but will simply say that my wife, kids, parents and I have gone through some pretty rough months after learning of my diagnosis. While it's certainly not as bad as what some have gone through, I have endured horrible pain -- to the point where I have screamed repeatedly in utter agony as physicians attempted to help me -- I have been hospitalized a few times already and have had talks with hospital staff that deal with end-of-life scenarios.
While I am not seeking anyone's pitty, I am telling you all these things because I think it's important to know what I'm going through so that if it's God's will for me to survive another brush with death, God can get the glory. And if it's not God's will for me to survive, I still hope that others will still give him praise and glory because he is absolutely The Best anyone will ever know!
God got me through childhood suffering
Throughout my life, I have had health challenges. When I was in my pre-teens and early teens I suffered
from a frequent health issue that was both painful and caused me to miss out on many important events.
Thankfully this issue went away in my early adulthood but returned soon after I married my current
wife. As a young adult, I actually had a brief period of time where I was strong and relatively
healthy save from the typical illnesses our kids would bring home from school. Then in my mid-to-late
30's I began to suffer physical issues again, and ended up losing my job, then eventually my second
marriage partially because of it.
God has saved my life, over and over again
Even with the on-and-off suffering I've endured throughout my life, it's nothing compared to what
others have gone through. And even more importantly, God has got me through it. In fact, health
issues or otherwise, God has saved my life countless times. I survived several serious car crashes as
a kid. I escaped and only lost my shirt when a group of thugs tried to rip me off my bike and beat me
with sticks and baseball bats as a teen. I was hit by other drivers a few times as a young adult. I
was saved from car-loads of violent rockabilly thugs that nearly beat me up on my way home from work
and were moments away from burning me and my car with containers of gasoline. I have been saved from
countless injuries as a passenger caused by someone else driving recklessly and thankfully avoiding
violent and possibly deadly collisions. I was absolutely hammered by a Los Angeles MTA transit bus,
knocking me out for a few minutes, but later walked home after it -- only losing a tooth instead of my
life. I have been protected from violent uprisings and nearby drive-by shootings on the rough streets
of South Central Los Angeles and Watts. I have been saved from near-deadly illnesses at least twice.
The list goes on and on...
The point is, God has been merciful to me, over and over again, despite my stupidity and ignorance
(often caused from my then-undiagnosed autism). God easily could have let me die in any number of the things
that have come against me during this life, but he didn't. He was merciful to me, healed and protected
me and let me live another day -- and I am truly grateful! 
I feel like I have so much more to do...
Will 2025 be my last year on this earth, or will God again save me from another threat to my life?
Only God knows for sure. And whatever decision he makes will be just and fair. Do I want to
die right now? Of course not! I still have a teen child who needs my love and guidance. I
still feel like I have so much more to do on this earth. I still have children who refuse to talk to
me due to our differing beliefs, but would love nothing more than to be reconciled. I want to see the
grandchildren I've never met. I want to be around for my wife to help and encourage her and allow
Holy Spirit to minister to her through me. I want to serve my brothers and sisters in Christ by fixing
their computers or whatever else I can do. I feel like there's so much more I need to do, and
if I die soon, I will not accomplish these and so much more. But God's ways are not like our ways, so
whatever he decides, it will be the best decision.
Death changes priorities
Dealing with death has a way of changing your priorities. When my then brother-in-law was gunned down
on the streets of Anaheim back in 1994, this had an immediate effect on my life. I began to seek God,
although I was doing it without the crucial guidance and help from other Christians at that time. I
started to recognize that none of us are guaranteed our next heart-beat or breath. I began to see
that my relationship with my kids needed fixing, as well as with my then-wife. I saw that I needed to
start treating folks with love and compassion, instead of looking the other way when they were going
through hard times or needed help. I studied the Bible and looked for ways to improve my relationship
with God. Just as Jesus says in the Bible, unless a grain of wheat dies and falls to the ground, it
will not yield a bountiful harvest. When my brother-in-law died, it was awful and heart-breaking, but
ended up pointing me to Jesus. This started me on a long journey to a right relationship with God and
a new life through Jesus.
An apology
If I treated you poorly or wronged you in my past, I humbly ask for your forgiveness. Besides not fully
living for God, I had a very difficult time trying to stay sane due to the undiagnosed
autism. I thought I was losing my mind and hated myself because I didn't understand what was going
on with me. I became very self-centered and may have unintentionally hurt folks because of it. I hope
you can forgive me.
To my kids who refuse to talk to me, understand that I love you dearly. I have shed many tears throughout the years because I have missed you so much. I apologize for anything I may have done in the past that may have hurt you. As I've mentioned above -- I did not know about my autism during your childhood, and didn't have the tools and understanding to be a good dad. The last I heard, some of you were living lives that run counter to what God approves of, and I still do not approve of that, but understand -- I DO LOVE YOU!!! Look, we can still have differences of opinion yet still communicate. I'm sure my parents and in-laws don't agree with everything I say and do, but thankfully they haven't cut me off or ignore me. As for my children who may have been lied to by others about me and what happened in the past, I hope that you will put all of that aside and still contact me. I have tried to contact most of you, but have been told basically to leave you alone. I hope you have a change of heart soon...
So is this it???
Will you see more posts from me after this one? Maybe, maybe not. If this is my last post,
I thank you for taking the time to read this, and it's my sincere hope that you take this opportunity
to draw closer to God through Jesus Christ. There is nothing strange, weird or awkward about
accepting Jesus, letting him fill your life and your heart, although the devil and his demons try
their hardest to make it seem like this is awkward. Let me cut to the chase -- your
co-workers, friends or family are not the ones who decide where you go when you die -- only God does.
Doesn't it make sense to live for God and let him work on the hearts of those who would doubt and mock
you while you draw closer to him? Trying to please man, trying to avoid being mocked and trying to
make God and people happy will ultimately fail. If you're not already a believer in Christ
Jesus, why not make the decision to turn from the nonsense of this world, and instead lay everything
at his feet, give your heart to him, then draw closer to God because of it?
God bless you, and thank you for reading!
About me
First and foremost I'm a follower of Jesus Christ. After that, I'm a blessed husband,
father and grandfather. I do remote computer work for a living although it's mostly
part-time. I'm an amateur radio operator - AF7EC. When I'm not working on the endless
list of house and car projects, I like to tinker with electronics, like to listen to
shortwave radio and write software (mostly open-source) in C, C++, Python and Free
Pascal. I usually run Linux as my main operating system but sometimes I'm forced to
endure macOS and Windows 11 for gaming with my son or testing software. Overall, I am
a big nobody, but always willing to share about Jesus and all that God has done for me
and my family.
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